The answers to my questions from yesterday, really made me laugh. You bitchez is funny.
And inspiring. I want to answer them TOO!
1. If you were in a beauty pageant what would your talent be and how would you demonstrate it?
Ooh. I’ve always thought that it’s a bit unfair that drag shows are for men.
I would quite like to dress up in some big wigs and fabulous frocks and lip-sync along to songs. I do a shit-hot version of “I honestly love you” by Olivia Newton-John.
Otherwise… cooking a lamb roast?
2. In your wild “yoof” (or perhaps even now) did you have a pulling outfit and what did it consist of?
So, I confused poor old TJ with this question. A pulling outfit is what you would wear to woo the laydeeez… or in my case… the mens.
As a teenager in the nineties I had some shocking outfits but can’t remember ever having one particular outfit that I wore often enough to class as a pulling outfit. I did however have a pair of lucky undies with strawberries all over them. I also had a penchant for extremely short mini skirts and boots like these…
3. If you were a piece of furniture, what would you be and why?
A bean-bag – Generally colourful, kind of retro, kind of cool, kind of dorky and a little bit lumpy.
4. If you won 10 million dollars (or pounds) in the Lotto, what would be the first five things you would do with your money?
1. Buy a big clear fridge and fill it with Veuve Clicquot like Eddy’s kitchen in Ab Fab.
2. Give notice at work
3. Enrol in a make-up artistry course
4. Call my family and ask what they want.
5. Go on a really long holiday.
5. Best drunk story?
Ooh. So many choices.
I mean there are just so many to choose from.
One that I have never blogged about to my knowledge does spring to mind.
Soon after I turned 18 I moved to Canberra to live with my Dad. I enrolled to study “Caring for the Aged and Disabled” and worked part time as a kitchen hand at an Italian restaurant.
I didn’t know a LOT of people in Canberra, so didn’t have much of a social life and was a bit miserable generally. I studied, I worked – that was about it. About 5 months into my stay one of my best friends, Emma, had her 18th. It was the first time I caught up with a lot of people that I had gone to school with in about 4 years, so not only was it a bit daunting, but I had not touched alcohol in about 5 months either.
That punch is always a killer ey?
To cut a long story short I had a belly full of punch, no food and was home trollied out of my tree by about 9pm. I stumbled past my Step-mum who opened the door for me, yammered at my Dad for a minute or so managing only to get out “I’m a bit drunk” and then went to my bedroom.
Was wearing a long navy dress over a white fitted crop tee (The Nineties….) and big hooped earrings… tried to take dress off, got it stuck on my head, stumbled around the room with dress on my head, fell over and managed to bruise the fuckity out of my thigh on my bed.
Whilst lying half on the floor and half on the bed I finally managed to rip the dress off my head but also managed to rip large hoop out of one ear making it bleed slightly.
Swear my head off whilst lying on the floor. Finally get to my feet. Head-spin, possibly caused by pain in ear, bruise on leg and all the booze. Feel sick. Want to vomit but need to walk past lounge door to get to bathroom.
Decide to see if Dad has gone to bed by pulling door open and peering down hallway. Very squeaky door. Dad still in lounge. Dad looks at me, I look at Dad. Slam door shut.
Repeat. Many times.
Decide that I instead, is probably a good idea to vomit in a plastic Sussan bag instead. Accidentally get some on white crop tee as well, but decide to wipe that off with a pair of socks and shove them in the bag too. Because I am nothing if not a tidy piss head.
Cannot work out what to do with plastic bag, decide to see if Dad has gone to bed… yep… repeat…
Finally stalk wobblyish down the hall towards bathroom wearing crop tee with a bit of vomit on it, knickers and one earring. Carrying smelly plastic bag filled with vomit and a pair of socks.
Dad staring at me and I am all like “Oh yeah. Hi! Me? Just going to the loo”
Stick whole bag in loo and try to flush.
Didn’t work. Also did not live that one down for quite a while.
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