Drunk and not so fabulous

So. We had a LOT of wine last night. We went to the Opera Bar for farewell drinks for Sally Paris who is starting her own Recruitment Agency which will be fabulous and glamorous just like her. It was a fabulously glamorous setting full of fabulously glamorous people getting fabulously pissed (or was that just us?) and lots of my favouritest people in the world were there, like Kizzo, Hazie, Sally, Ailsa, Daph and Trace but I have some questions that remain unanswered.

Why did we drink so much wine when all I had eaten was 2 Ryvitas, a Yakitori Stick and a Gyoza?
Where is my purse, camera and the large Myer Bag I had with a baby hamper in it for Kirst’s baby shower?
If all I had eaten yesterday was 2 Ryvitas, a Yakitori Stick and a Gyoza, why am I not hungry?
When Schoonee vomited on his floor why was there a Halal smell, late night kebab and chips perhaps?
Why was there a cloth napkin in my handbag and one out the front of the house?
Why did I find Schoonees credit card all bent at the front door?
Why was my Vidal Sasson comb on the doorstep?
Where is my purse?
Where is my camera?
Why did I get a text message from Jassey telling me he will see me at the pub next weekend? What pub and when?
Why were Schoonee’s keys in my handbag and my keys on the floor?
Why did I have my Ipod in bed with me but the headphones on the floor?
Why did Schoonee do shots of cocksucking cowboys and not me, surely if I had drunk that much wine I would have been totally into that idea?
I love all those people so much, why don’t I see them more often?
AND WHERE IS MY PURSE AND CAMERA!!!!???? (Located the present, I had sensibly given it to Jay to take home when he left)

**Updated as we now confirmation that the camera was put in Hazel’s bag by Kizzo and that we caught a cabbage home presumably he put us in there so he was he responsible adult for the night…. this raises another question, Schoonee had no money so HOW did we pay for the cab if I had no purse?**

Alcohol – I want a divorce – Because you make me do shit like this